Office workers have agreed that their smug ‘gym-before-work’ colleague will be viciously gagged, if he mentions his morning workout routine again. The proposed muzzling of 26 year-old new trainee, Ben Smith, follows endless daily boasts that he was performing deadlifts and squats before sunrise.
‘He’s unbearably chipper when he arrives at work,’ said a visibly exhausted and hungover colleague James Reid. ‘His freshly showered hair is a symbol of everything I am not; he even says ‘Good Morning’ enthusiastically. Who does that? I despise him.’
In a recent team meeting, Ben was clamped to a table with his nose and mouth covered, as vast quantities of protein shake were poured over his face.