Austerity-conscious Queen downgrades 2012 Jubilee to ‘Diamonique’

Buckingham Palace has today announced that the Queen ‘wishes to recognise the fragile state of the economy’ by downgrading her Jubilee celebrations next year from diamond to diamonique.

The palace has already developed a number of partnerships with high street chain stores to produce Jubilee memorabilia at affordable prices. QVC’s jewellery hour is now advertised with the tagline ‘Diamonique: Fit For A Queen” whilst Argos has launched a new ‘Elizabeth Duke of Edinburgh’ range of cubic zirconia jewellery to mark the occasion.The palace is keen to stress that the modest celebrations will not just apply to the public. The royal household is said to have decided against hiring Elton John and Robbie Williams for the Queen’s private party and have looked at cheaper alternatives including a group of young boys who are doing well on Britain’s Got Talent, local mobile disco providers and Jedward.

A spokesman for the palace said ‘Her Majesty is adamant that we can have a great party on a budget. She’s told everyone that she doesn’t want much fuss and that she expects the whole family to muck in.’ Prince Edward is said to be doing the entertainment, the Middletons are providing the partyware, The Duchess of Cornwall is in charge of the bar and Beatrice is already designing some hilarious party hats.

The plans are said to be going extremely well and a palace insider confirmed that everyone has been very enthusiastic about rising to the challenge. ‘Everyone is really excited,’ said a junior royal. ‘We did have one nervous moment when Prince Harry said he would be in charge of fancy dress and Prince Philip said he could perform some amusing party songs but the Queen nipped it in the bud by saying that if they did anything like that she’d invite Fergie.’

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Posted: May 28th, 2017 by

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