God asked to move in less predictable ways

'I'm not in'

God, the creator of the universe and leader of the Roman Catholic Church, was today asked by worshippers from a variety of faiths to add a dash of mystery to the manner in which he goes about governing the forces of nature, responding to the prayers of his followers and guiding his emissaries on Earth.

One holy man told us: ‘As we understand it, God is a ‘just let things roll’ kind of deity these days, which is fine, though in the past there was at least the odd mysterious sign, weird vision or easily misinterpreted instruction associated with events to let us know that there’s some kind of thought process going on, however hard to comprehend.’

‘There seems to be a very thin line between God’s response to natural disasters and unspeakable acts of destruction carried out in his name, and doing squat all. Don’t get me wrong, we appreciate God probably doesn’t wants to get caught up in an endless theological debate, but come on, we’ve got nothing to work with here!’

However, apologists for the Divine Creator’s recent non-hands-on approach have claimed this is the result of the constant misinterpretation of perfectly clear diktats conveyed via combustible foliage, weeping palm trees and toast likenesses.

Theologian Professor Edward Smalls told us: ‘You can’t really blame him… what starts as a simple bit of housekeeping invariably escalates into full scale holy war. In the end you’re bound to just say ‘what the hell’ and let them get on with it. How many bagels is his image expected to appear on to clarify matters?’

God was unavailable for comment.

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Posted: Jun 10th, 2017 by

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