Ministers negotiating to form a working administration with the dinosaur-denying DUP have admitted that it might be necessary to abolish line dancing before any progress can be made. The DUP objects to line dancing because its founder, the Reverend Ian Paisley, pronounced it to be sinful and catering to the lusts of the flesh, as well as being a bit naff.
‘Politics is about compromise,’ said Brexit minister David Davis, who is heading what is definitely not called the Conservative-Unionist Negotiation Team. ‘There weren’t many realistic concessions we could make to them: ending Sunday trading was out because too many Home Counties Tory ladies like to go to Waitrose on Sunday and I’m afraid that, like it or not, the Pope’s diplomatic passport is valid even if it isn’t in the name of Antichrist.’
‘We did consider clamping down on same-sex relationships but nobody had the nerve to square that with Ruth Davidson. So in the end we thought it had better be this one – I don’t think anyone will mind very much, do you? Look, it was that or let Nigel Farage in on the negotiation, what would you have done?’
Leave voter and borderline simpleton Nigel Walker from the Isle of Wight said that he was fully supportive of the decision. ‘We need a strong, stable … oh, aren’t we doing that any more? … anyway, if the price of Brexit is no longer having middle-aged women dressing up as cowgirls and poncing around the church hall twice a week, that’s fine with me. Those Polish cleaners in Cowes aren’t going to deport themselves you know.’