Severe Storm Force A lashes Gove’s changes to Beaufort Scale


There were calls for calm yesterday after the newly-appointed Minister for the Environment Michael Gove stated that the Beaufort wind force scale should be changed in order to confuse everyone. Under Mr Gove’s proposal, the new scale will range from Z to A, with Force Z being no wind at all and Force A representing the kind of extremely violent raging fury that Mr Gove habitually generates in people.

The measurement of other climatic parameters is set to follow, with a rainfall scale based on Roman Numerals having a value of XL for a dry day to VII for Bank Holiday monsoon, and temperature gauges using the Greek alphabet to show alpha for a tropical heatwave up (down) to omega for when brass monkeys are in search of a welder.

Mr Gove defended the changes, saying, ‘These new measures will be used to convince the general public that the Government is combatting climate change, in the same way that we have raised education standards simply by changing the way GCSE grades appear on certificates, with the same results.’

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Posted: Jun 14th, 2017 by

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