The future of nudity-based television has been cast into doubt this week after its last remaining viewer has finally acquired a basic PC and broadband internet connection. Lighthouse-keeper Steve Norris completed a successful trip to PC World last week, opting for a Dell laptop pre-installed with Windows 10 over a less portable standalone machine.
The channel first went into operation after Ofcom highlighted a need for topless girls to counterbalance the number of women appearing on television wearing clothes. The Campaign for the Preservation of Traditional Exotic Gentlemen’s Material called the channel’s demise ‘a sad day for the mildly arousing entertainment industry’, and added ‘the simple thrill of slipping a cheeky jazz mag under a Daily Telegraph at the newsagent, or sending your wife out to the shops in time for Baywatch, is slipping from living memory. It truly was a gentlemanly age.’
Steve, 46, told us: ‘I honestly had no idea that this marvellous invention existed. I guess I might dip back into the old Freeview channel on occasion for old times’ sake, though let’s face it, a bit of tit is never going to compete with the full hardcore library I now find available at my disposal – bums, fannies, the lot. Naturally, I’ll be watching it all day, then playing World of Tanks until I pass out.’