It’s been reported that a young innocent named Tim Farron has been freed from possession by Liberal Demons after a titanic struggle lasting throughout the night. The fifteen hour ritual is thought to have involved two priests at his bedside declaiming ‘Your manifesto commitments compel you!’ while splashing herbal tea on him. This caused young Farron’s head to spin resulting in projectile vomit, though slow motion footage showed he was just repeating ‘A constructive approach to Brexit, developed in cooperation with our European partners’ over and over again.
He then turned to one the priests and screamed ‘Your mother sucks c***s in hell!’, to which the ghost of Jeremy Thorpe replied ‘Doesn’t sound that bad to me…’ At one point his bed seemed to float several feet into the air, though it turned out this was because Paddy Ashdown was underneath it with his secretary.
When the ritual was finally over, one of the exhausted priests commented, ‘Lib Demonic possession is more and more common these days. The prospect of having absolutely no power at all is corrupting young minds. Worst of all is when they’re possessed by a coalition of demons, and the more evil one is stronger. Then they go on destructive rampages of which they remember nothing, introducing tuition fees and other austerity measures before they wake up sobbing “Oh God, what have I done?”‘