Toast distances itself from Theresa May


Slices of toast have popped up all over the UK to criticize metaphors applied to Theresa May.

“I for one am fed up to the crusts with this ‘Theresa is toast’ claim”, said a piece of grilled brown Warburtons from Nottingham. “Toast is warm hearted, comforting and beloved by people of all ages, backgrounds and races, especially when liberally covered with melted butter,” the bread continued. “However much melted butter she applied to herself, Theresa May would never match our popularity. In fact it would do her no good at all, even if she added a layer of Nutella”.

Meanwhile, Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson continues to insist on showing reporters the bargepole he swears he would never touch the UK premiership with. ‘”It’s designed for cruising with a punt,” he said carefully, adding “and there are some punts I would gladly push in the river. Especially that total punt Gove.’

Mr Johnson went on to deny that the new hat he has bought is definitely not for throwing in the ring. “It is a pork pie hat, which means that if I am forced to eat it as a result of further denials that I want to be in number 10, things won’t be that bad. And don’t forget, I am pretty good with pork pies!” the jovial statesman told reporters.

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Posted: Jun 18th, 2017 by

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