Despite assurances of a straight forward ‘smash and grab’, the UK’s Brexit team have found themselves teetering over the edge of political precipice, watching as EU assets slip towards the rear door. Sadly, David ‘Choker’ Davis’ only advice to his negotiating team was ‘Just remember – in this country they drive on the wrong side of the road’.
Things had started so promisingly, with a bunch of Tory crooks celebrating a daring daylight robbery – or the ‘corporation tax rate’ as it is known. However, the Secretary of State (for Exiting the EU) admitted he may have made an error sending a fleet of German-made Minis and Boris Johnson on a space-hopper.
With no sense of irony Mr. Davis gave his counterpart (Mr. Barnier) a first edition of a mountaineering book, while Mr. Barnier reciprocated with an ‘arse/elbow guide book’. Meanwhile, the ‘Self-preservation Society’, or Tory Party as they call themselves, watch helplessly as the UK economy careers off down a winding road, with no one in the driving seat. Following the strict instructions of their feared leader Theresa ‘Stable’ May, they listen intently as she explains: ‘It’s a very difficult job and the only way to get through it is we all work together as a team. And that means you do everything Nick and Fiona say – oh, sod it, I mean everything I say.’
This cliffhanger ending looks like having only one outcome, with the Corsican Mafia the least of our worries. As the credits roll on a Theresa May government, we are reminded of Michael Gove’s famous last words to Boris Johnson post-referendum: ‘You’re only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!’
Wrenfoe, Hat-tip to Oxbridge