Play School Toys react stoically to news of Brian Cant’s passing

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The Play School toys have reacted with trademark reserve and passivity on hearing that their all time favourite presenter Brian Cant has passed away, it has been revealed.

After breaking the news to them at their comfortable retirement home in the media museum in Bradford, a BBC producer revealed that Hamble simply sat there, legs out in front of her, unable to talk, staring forward with a blank, almost existential expression. Big Ted and Little Ted were said to look ‘particularly dishevelled’ whilst Humpty fell forward and had to be propped up with the help of Derek Griffiths. Dapple the horse was said to have been ‘rocked’ by the news, the only consolation being that Floella Benjamin was doing the rocking with a familiar pat on the rump and a rendition of ‘wind the bobbin up’.

The news ends the long standing hope of all the toys for one last programme with Brian, a look through one of the windows, and perhaps some footage of a visit to a random Paisley ice cream factory or maybe a West Midlands zoo. Producers are now trying to decide the best time to tell the toys that the choice of window on each episode was not random, and that rather it was related to the closest shape to the theme of the show – footballs meaning the round window, parcels the square window.

Jemima, said to be most distraught by the news, noted simply that whilst there was some debate amongst children about the best combination of presenters , for the toys it was always ‘Brian with anyone’.

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Posted: Jun 21st, 2017 by

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