May denies pandering to DUP in Queen’s Speech


Theresa May is facing criticism that the legislative programme for the government for the next 2 years has been shaped somewhat by ongoing negotiations with the DUP.

Here is that agenda in full:

– All public officials to wear a bowler hat and orange sash over their uniforms
– The State Opening of Parliament procession to be accompanied by fife and drum, with a march through Drumcree
– Massive increases in public spending in the Shankhill Road area of Belfast, to be paid for by increasing council tax, paid by residents of the Falls Road
– Oath of loyalty to the Queen sworn by all MPs to be expanded to include “F**k the Pope”
– Mural showing whole cabinet in balaclavas to be painted on the end of the Downing Street terrace
– St Patrick’s Day to be replaced by St Billy’s Day on 1st July, to commemorate the Battle of the Boyne
– Army uniforms to be redesigned in black and tan
– All mobile networks except Orange to be banned
– Glasgow Rangers to start every season 200 points ahead of Celtic
– UKIP to be officially designated the Conservative Party’s paramilitary wing
– Guildford Four and Birmingham Six to be rearrested and suffer nasty accidents in stairwell of police station



Share this story...

Posted: Jun 22nd, 2017 by

Click for more article by ..

© 2020 NewsBiscuit | Powered by Deluxe Corporation | Stories (RSS) | T & C | Privacy | Disclaimer