Britain’s songbirds have told wood pigeons they might want to try a different tune or something.
Blackbirds, thrushes and starlings, which communicate complex messages through a range of high pitched sounds, have likened the birds’ dull, repetitive cooing to the sound of a heavily sedated Vanessa Feltz.
“I’ve got a shit load of different noises to convey what’s important,” said Leeds blackbird, Nick Ferguson. “Everything from high pitched warning chirps to tell you there’s a cat in the garden to a long warble that goes up at the end meaning: your feathers arouse me – are you, like, single?”
“Wood pigeons, on the other hand, just sit on their fat arses cooing out exactly the same imbecilic message over and over again.
“Coo cooooo coo coo. Coo coooo coo coo. There’s one in our neighbourhood that repeatedly coos ‘I like this tree’ every day from 4.30am for five hours.
“For love of god, mix it up a bit.