Following on from his success at Glastonbury last weekend, Jeremy Corbyn has announced the next date in his summer tour, a talk at the All England Lawn Tennis & Croquet Club during Wimbledon. Corbyn will address 200 Centre Court Debenture holders in the Renshaw Restaurant between the fish course and the entree, to be followed by a cold glass of Pol Roger champagne.
‘JC, as I believe youngsters call him, might not seem the obvious choice, but his core messages connect with many of our members,’ argued the All England Club’s head of exclusivity, Rupert Page. ‘Our £50,000 a seat debenture holders are facing crippling waiting times for a seat in the veranda restaurant – nearly 30 minutes at lunchtime, you can’t book, you know.’
‘His views on taxing the rich will also resonate’, continued Page. ‘The top 5% should be willing to put their hands a bit deeper in their pockets and the proposed level of £800,000 earnings, whilst a bit low, will probably be palatable to most here.’
Corbyn has broken with tradition for speakers at the All England Club by eschewing the usual rider request for some good wine and strawberries with cream. Instead he has requested a ban on zero hours contracts for hospitality staff, and a commitment to ethically sourced products and socially responsible environmental practices throughout the supply chain. Page had some words of advice for Corbyn, however.
‘The age profile of All England Club members is perhaps a little older than the Glastonbury crowd. He might want to tone down some of his more radical views – his plans to scrap steradent would hit our members particularly hard and leave their dentures in a right state. On the other hand, in many respects the Members Lounges bear a lot of similarities to Glastonbury. Twenty quid for a burger, an average age of 75 and, if anything, the amount of urine on the floor is slightly greater.’