In a bid to corner the lucrative crossover market that combines political thriller, post-apocalyptic horror and Christmas family favourite, Disney has announced that it is giving the green light to a new film, provisionally called The Von Trump Family Presidency.
The film opens on a large white house, in which a crusty old patriarch lives with his many children and a nervous, foreign-born woman who looks like she really doesn’t belong there. He is cold and distant from his children, except the eldest daughter, who he probably ought to be a bit more cold and distant from. In the opening number, he describes Lieslanka as ‘A 9, going on a 10’.
However, their peaceful lives are disturbed when a vile and bigoted regime threatens to take over the country and names Captain von Trump as its leader. He appoints all his children to positions of influence, especially Lieslanka who he puts in an office next to his, so that he can consult her at any time of the day or night.
She, in the meantime, has become romantically involved with the mysterious Jared, despite him being a member of the local Nazi party and thus a bit on the liberal side for Captain Von Trump’s liking. Jared seems to be nothing more than a stuffed cashmere jumper, surfing his and her family connections to get a number of well-paid jobs he’s clearly unqualified for, but is he more than he at first appears? (Spoiler alert: No.)
Featuring all your favourite songs including ‘Grab ev’ry pussy’, ‘My favourite thongs’, ‘Dough for me’, ‘How do you solve a problem like Sharia?’ and ‘Not even Fox News has confidence in me’, The Von Trump Family Presidency is guaranteed to have you laughing, cringing and throwing up into your bucket of popcorn right up until the moving final scene, in which the rest of the population sings ‘So long, farewell’ and escapes over the mountains to Canada.