Much to the amusement of his work colleagues, Tom Price, a newcomer to the team at Swindon-based telecoms firm Xentixx has just made the unfortunate but inevitable mistake of asking 58-year-old work colleague Janice Steadman how her weekend was.
‘The newbie gets caught out every time,’ laughed work colleague Tony Storey. ‘Everyone knows not to ask Janice about her weekend and when Tom asked, well, we all waited with baited breath with fingers crossed that she’d had an eventful one.’
Janice began proceedings by telling Tom how she went for dinner with friends on Friday night. They had a lovely meal. She had lamb, her friends had chicken. She went on to tell Tom what she had for dessert. ‘It was so funny,’ said Storey. ‘Tom was just stood there at the coffee machine smiling and nodding his head, completely unaware of what was coming.’
‘On Saturday afternoon my daughter, Tina, visited for lunch,’ continued Steadman. ‘After lunch, we went shopping. Tina bought herself a new skirt and matching top, the top was far too expensive. Oh, I have to tell you, my new underwear got my husband so horny he was unable to last no longer than a minute. We didn’t even get a chance to make love, I wanted him to enter me, but no sooner had I pulled his penis towards my vagina than he came all over the inside of my thigh. I was angry and frustrated at the time, but I can laugh about it now.’
‘We watched a film on Sunday evening, but that was about it, really. And how was yours, my dear?’ she concluded, without batting an eyelid, which the rest of the office agreed is ‘always the best bit’. Price was later seen glancing at his iPod and looking at opportunities in shepherding in the Outer Hebrides.