Leaders of the European Union have reacted swiftly to Brexit news by planning to fill the void with a someone a little less picky about concepts of democracy and who is rarely troubled by migrants. North Korea offers the perfect solution as a totalitarian state willing to take Eurovision seriously and happy to use the French phrase ‘American imperialist pigdog’.
Meanwhile Kim Jong Un has promised his nation will provide all of the qualities of the British – bad dental work, weak tea and an embarrassing colonial past. A Korean official commented: ‘Unlike the Brits we won’t complain about EU bureaucrats…or complain about anything really – or so says Glorious Supreme Leader Jean-Claude Juncker, may he forever shine upon us.’
Admittedly Pyongyang is some distance from the continent but it is no more remote than the Isle of Man, yet more liberal, with more working traffic lights and better WiFi coverage. To celebrate the inauguration into the EU, 20,000 Korean children will hold up large coloured cards depicting the EU flag and words ‘Farage is a South Korean ball-muncher’.
Ironically many UK citizens fear their own country post-Brexit will resemble North Korea – with over-crowded prison camps, synchronised lifestyles and Jeremy Corbyn, a Communist too powerful to get rid of. One EU leader remarked: ‘North Korea offers us so much. 28 state approved haircuts– twice as many as the Brits. 3 state approved TV channels – and none featuring James Corden. And one ruler – as opposed to the hydra-headed-clusterfuck that is the Tory leadership race.’