Is your lumbering, heavy manifesto slowing your system to a standstill?
Is it causing your machine to fragment, or, worse, losing you a mandate?
Try the Tory Manifesto ‘lite’.
By jettisoning all unnecessary policy and cumbersome pledges, Tory Manifesto ‘lite’ allows your machine to run in ‘survival’ mode, with the slimmest of majorities, but maintaining full ‘sound-bite’, ‘flip-flop’ and ‘wishy-washy’ functionality.
Strips out burdensome clutter:
• Dementia Tax
• ‘New generation’ of social housing
• Axing of school lunches
• Means testing for winter fuel payments
• Abandoning triple lock on pensions
Comes with tried-and-tested DUP pre-configuration to enable it to operate in ‘safe mode’, and text-to-speech computer voice generator.
All at an initial cost of just £1 billion, payable direct to the DUP, and then a monthly payment of whatever the DUP ask. Initial payment can also be made in Euros, at the current exchange rate, at a cost of exactly €1 billion.
Benvoleo, hat tip Sinnick