Following the birth of his sixth child, Jacob Rees-Mogg has been placed in a breeding programme to help repopulate Britain with a new generation of Conservatives. Tory insiders fear that Britain’s young voters are excitedly swinging to the left and decided that some social engineering will be needed if the government is to continue not funding University education.
‘The old spunker has displayed peerless fecundity,’ said one Tory gynaecologist. ‘Our party is clearly not short of top-class twats, but we’re desperate for more big dicks like the Moggster. So, in the meantime, we’ll be sending Jacob to our new eugenics facility, Maggie’s Farm, to join Boris and a host of true-blue fillies such as Andrea Leadsom who are busy getting down to business.’
However, the Cabinet has excluded Prime Minister Theresa May from the farm because of post-election fears that impotence is contagious.