Organisers of Pamplona’s San Fermin festival have announced, as a rebuke to Donald Trump’s rejection of the Paris Accords at the Hamburg G20 meeting, that all of the bulls in the ‘Running of the bulls’ will run on renewable sources of energy in the form solar power, hybrid technology or electricity by 2020.
The mayor of Pamplona said that he believes this shift away from the current petrol- and diesel-fuelled bulls would show the commitment of all of Europe towards a realistic greenhouse gas target and could put fresh pressure on the President of the US to take action himself. ‘They need to think about their emissions as well – after all, Washington DC has never been so full of bullshit as it is right now,’ he quipped.
When asked about on-going safety concerns around the running of the bulls, the mayor reassured the world that is was highly likely a swathe of fat middle-aged adrenalin seeking faux hipsters and pissed-up stockbrokers were still going to end up having their arses skewed each year like a kebab on a night out in Aldershot, so it would very much remain the cruel and blood-soaked family fun event we have all come to appreciate, just with zero emissions.
Other world leaders have been inspired to follow suit. The Irish prime minster has pledged that St Paddy’s day would run solely on industrial ethanol by 2025. Mexico has said, from 2030, its Day of the Dead will only commemorate those who have been cremated with their ashes buried in an eco-friendly forest pod, while the Vatican has also announced that after being fuelled on pure hypocrisy for the last 2,000 years, it will be changing to wood pellets and biomass boilers to generate white and black smoke by 2040.
A spokesman for the Gloucester Cheese Rolling Festival also stated something but no-one understands what anyone in the West of England is saying at the best of times.