Following a disastrous plane crash near Shoreditch, survivors have demanded that anyone investigating the causes should not be one of those so-called experts who knows about aircraft design, air traffic control and piloting airliners and who might be close to the manufacturers and the airlines.
‘Such a person won’t have been in an air crash so won’t understand the trauma and distress,’ said a gender-neutral spokesperson. ‘We demand a completely impartial investigator who we can be confident will decide that the crash was entirely the fault of the greedy profiteering capitalists.
‘It is also essential that this investigator is black or Asian, disabled and of course female – preferably bi- or trans- sexual. This, and this alone, will ensure that they have the expertise to uncover, analyse and publish full details of all the factors which led to this disaster.’