A year after the ‘Who put Pinocchio in charge?’ report was published, Sir John Chilcot has felt the need to clarify his position on everyone’s favourite lying sack of shit. Without wanting to be misinterpreted, Sir John explained that Mr. Blair had all the veracity of a Lance Armstrong urine sample.
A spokeswoman explained: ‘Sir John wanted to make clear the distinction between a perjurious crap-weasel and that of dissembling snake, that would eat its own young if there was a vote in it. Mr. Blair is neither of these things – he’s worse’.
Meanwhile Mr. Blair’s representatives added to the confusion, by claiming that this was a glowing endorsement of one of the world’s most beloved philanthropists and Michael Sheen impressionists. They went on to claim that ‘liar’ was in fact the ancient Arabic phrase, meaning: ‘he who brings peace to the Middle East and rids us of all this troublesome oil’.
The spokeswoman continued: ‘Am I being too subtle? Let me draw you a picture. Here is a picture of some Weapons of Mass Destruction. Yes, I know, it’s a blank page. Do you not get it? Mr. Blair is a big fat liar. Is that based on Sir John’s belief? Nope, it’s a fact’.