Hammond: ‘Public servants are oversexed, overpaid and over here’

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While plucky Brexit Ministers are fighting for our freedom on the Continent, many public workers stationed in Britain are flaunting their wealth. Firefighters line the streets offering nylons and cigarettes to coax Hedge Fund Managers into a sexual dalliance; while any Banker lured into marriage is referred to as ‘PFI bride’.

The Chancellor explained that NHS ancillary staff and lifeguards were swanning around in their Sherman tanks – ignoring the threat from Europe – and should go back to where they came from – probably Poland. Mr. Hammond warned that Nuclear Maintenance Engineers would ravish our native women, seducing them with the offer of half a bar of Dairy Milk.

Sadly, many an Investment Analyst will likely want to supplement their income with a little impromptu whoring, and a dashing Social Worker is likely to prove too tempting to resist. Up and down the land, village halls reverberate to the sound of new-fangled Jazz music, while CEO’s swoon to the charms of a glamorous Prison Officer.

Mr. Hammond explained public sector workers get a 10% ‘premium’, which was the tip he gave them for holding his top hat and cane. With this extra income, it would be too easy for a teacher to seduce Stockbroker, who suffers from being ‘undertaxed, under-handed and under-investigation’.

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Posted: Jul 18th, 2017 by

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