Satire now Britain’s only growth industry

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Despite the current slowdown and impending cessation of all economic activity in Brexit Britain, one industry is enjoying an unprecedented boom. Satire could account for over 30% of GDP by 2022 and most of the new jobs, according to a few quinoa-scoffing metropolitan elitists or ‘expert analysts’, depending on which way you look at it.

‘The last two years have been an amazing rollercoaster,’ said Nigel Walker, an all-purpose ‘stupid gobby man’ figure from Lincolnshire who appears on numerous satirical news websites. ‘It seems like every day someone gets me to make up a quote about something I don’t really know anything about, then a couple of months later a cheque for about £35 comes through the post.’

‘It’s been a real help to me, because I’m living off benefits now the factory where I used to clean the toilets closed down, due to something or other the immigrants did.’

Britain originally started the Industrial Revolution and spread free trade across the world. Until recently, it also punched above its weight in such industries as chemicals, drugs and engineering, and it still remains the fifth, sorry sixth, no make that seventh largest economy in the world. Now, Britain is looking to a boom in derivative piss-taking to launch it into a bright new future.

‘This is only going to grow,’ said satirical news website editor Johnny Farrow. ‘The great thing about satire as an industry is that self-sustaining clusters form naturally because half of them don’t even know they are in the industry: angry men in pubs who say they are ‘backing Britain’, people who think tomatoes are about to start tasting the same way they did in 1972, Jacob Rees-Mogg … pure comedy gold, all of them. Rule Britannia. I’m so proud.’

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Posted: Jul 31st, 2017 by

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