With the UK on the back-foot in the Brexit negotiations, the Government has taken drastic action and hired fiery Irish UFC champ Conor McGregor to negotiate on Britain’s behalf. Even though McGregor has never before negotiated a sovereign nation state’s withdrawal from a large trading bloc, he was confident he would get the ‘best fockin Brexit deal ever.’ He then called EU Chief Jean-Claude Juncker a ‘fockin pussy’ as well as a ‘fockin bitch’.
To the surprise of many, McGregor has already proven to be a canny negotiator. Using a simple Anaconda Choke with armbar on Juncker, he managed to get Britain’s £82 billion Brexit ‘Divorce Bill’ turned into a £17 billion credit. Juncker later threatened to take McGregor to the European Court of Justice but quickly withdrew when McGregor threatened to take Juncker’s head to the ‘European Court of Get Focked’.
EU negotiators have been dropping like flies as the combination of McGregor’s lethal trash-talking and brutal violence seems to be steering the UK to a stunningly successful Brexit. So successful, that eight current EU states actually applied to join the United Kingdom, however this proposal was rejected by McGregor who told all eight to ‘fock the fock off.’
In addition, McGregor has managed to secure Magaluf, Mallorca, and Kos as permanent British Overseas Territories, and expanded the territory of Gibraltar to include all of the Costa del Sol, which has now also changed its name to ‘Costa da Fockin Fock’.