Vomiting bug hits a number of armchair athletes at the World Championships

Woman in armchair

A vomiting bug has hit a number of armchair athletes watching the World Championships – forcing some of them to move to the bathroom.

Tamworth’s Andrew Newman is the latest clueless critical gobshite to be struck down with gastroenteritis, which has spread through a local fastfood delivery outlet. Mr Newman and was forced to withdraw from talking bollocks about the 400m hurdles.

In between visits to the toilet, Newman posted on Facebook: “It feels like the entire world is exiting my body faster than a doped-up sprinter. According to NHS 111 I am apparently suffering from the runs which has affected several other armchair athletes who have been using the same takeaway as me. Please remember to wash your hands after visiting the bog”

Fellow armchair athlete Philippa Harrington, also of Tamworth, commented “The same has happened to me. I’ve brought my laptop into the bathroom and rested it on the side of the bath. I’ve put the subtitles so that I don’t miss out during the more distressingly loud sounds my body has been making”

These incidents have led some to believe this may be a co-ordinated plot to take some of the key players out of the sport. Some have even suggested the fast food outlet concerned is owned by the relative of the well known former armchair athlete, Nick Crow from Hinkley. In 2013 Crow founded the rival “toilet triathlon” and has been trying to get people to get on board ever since.


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Posted: Aug 9th, 2017 by

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