Former Great British Bake Off judge Mary Berry has been held on charges of terrorism, following a tip off from a Post Office worker.
‘She walked into the Post Office with a suspicious looking parcel and asked for it to be posted second class,’ said the official. ‘I was alerted by the all pervading smell of almonds, a dead giveaway according to the thirty minute counter terrorism training video I slept through, and it had a greasy patch on one corner, another red flag.
‘But what swung it for me was the weight distribution – heavier on one side than the other. So I asked the perp – er, sorry, Mary, what was in the parcel. When she told me it was bomb making equipment, I was straight on the blower, got the shop surrounded by armed police and even helped wrestle the bitch to the ground myself.’
A police statement issued today confirmed that an ‘elderly lady had been arrested on potential terrorism charges, however has been bailed when she confirmed the contents of her package were just “bun making equipment”. A controlled explosion at gas mark 6 has been carried out and explosives experts declared the result as “delicious”. A Post Office employee has been booked into Specsavers for a hearing examination.’