‘Tory Glastonbury’ line-up is confirmed

Glasto

The Conservative Party has promised the ‘mother of all festivals’ will take place next summer, eclipsing by far Jeremy Corbyn’s reception at the Pyramid Stage at Glastonbury in June. George Freeman MP, who wants to establish the event for party activists and their families, has already raised £25,000 to help stage it in a field somewhere in the Home Counties at a date to be confirmed but not clashing with Wimbledon or Glyndebourne.

The event will open with the White Straights playing their signature tune ‘Twenty-Seven Nation Army (Couldn’t Hold Us Back)’ while the crowd responds with a haunting chorus of ‘oh, Andrea Leadsom’. Other confirmed acts for the Conservative Ideas Festival so far include the following:

Lana Del May
Mentallica
Rage Against Everything
Johnny Hates Foreigners
Unfairport Convention
Wrong Direction
Benefit Cut 100
Austerity Killed the Cat
Alt-Right Said Fred
Vulture Club
The Inhuman League
Pig Fuckin’ Criminals
Vilest Femmes
The Cockwombles
DC/DC
The Exploiters
…And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Bankruptcies
De La Soulless
Bigot Country
Cruel & the Gang
Johnny Cash for Questions
Blue Order
The Hateful Nearly Dead
Nick Clegg & the Bad Deeds
Hawkish, Mental Manoeuvres in the Dark
Shitti Politti
Electorate Right: Orchestrated
The Leach Boys
Amy Workhouse
Financial Squeeze
The Blundertones
Half Man, Half Brexit

The event will climax with a performance by an impromptu 1960s tribute act made up of leading cabinet members and called Dave D, Bojo, Leaky, Thick and Witch.

A combined gig: Oxbridge, Sinnick, Al O Pecia and multiple other contributors from the web, including malgor of blessed memory

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Posted: Aug 10th, 2017 by

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