Ri Chun-Hee, the enthusiastic official mouthpiece for North Korean news broadcasts has defected to Fox News, where she will bring her considerable powers of blind patriotic jingoism to bear for her new Dear Leader, The Great Orange Saviour.
Ms Chun-Hee said that ‘she highly praises the most glorious TV newsreader acquisition in all of history.’ CBS, NBC and ABC were all predicted to ‘burn in a thousand satanic flames’ as she set about helping Fox News dominate the ratings.
Asked about President Trump, Ms Chun-Hee took a deep breath, smiled broadly, then said the following: ‘The Great Groper, he who can grope better than all before, has smited all before him, and grabbed many millions upon millions of pussies! He will be praised forever by everyone, especially Mexicans, Muslims and all women, even those weird ones who used to be men, they too shall have great honour to be groped by the Great Donald! Praise be to him, he who is a billion times better than great devil Kim Jong-Un.’
Fox news chief Bob Peters said securing Ri Chun-Hee’s services for Fox was a great coup: ‘We’ve got some monumentally greasy arse-lickers here at Fox, such as the Fox and Friends team, but Ri brings it to a whole new level. We loved her work in North Korea and quickly entered into talks to secure her services. Five big sacks of rice and a one-bedroom apartment in downtown Atlanta and she was ours.’