‘Bollocks?’ to replace ‘How are you?’

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Tiresome and insincere nicety ‘How are you?’ is to be replaced with the much more concise enquiry ‘Bollocks?’ it has emerged.

The knowing and succinct interrogation by person #1 will then the receive the response: ‘Yeah. Bollocks, and you?’ from person 2 before the instigator proffers a final ‘Bollocks and thanks for asking'; thereby terminating the discourse and serving as the catalyst for both participants to continue on their merry fucking way.  Leaflets detailing the interaction are to be sent to every household.

‘This is step forward for humanity in general, though in particular for the English who feel compelled to enquire about things that they have no interest in, nor contingency for,’ explained project advisor Dr. Bakhauf Villu, professor of Directness at the University of Munich. ‘I’d explain it in more detail but you probably wouldn’t get it and I’m late for lunch and you’re boring me,’ he added.

Experts have advised that if the roll out of the new protocol is successful then the UK could finally move to legislate against talking about the weather and legalise the public thrashing of people who open their conversations with ‘Guess what?!’

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Posted: Aug 18th, 2017 by

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