Bristol bricky, Dave Soames, has spoken for the first time today about the dangers of catcalling women who walk past building sites.
‘It was only supposed to reinforce my social position as “one of the lads” and help me feel like my below-average penis had grown an inch or two,’ lamented Dave, 36. ‘Instead the busty bird turned, smiled, and the rest is a bit hazy but one thing led to another and we’ve been married 10 years next Thursday.’
‘That might sound like a good thing, but she makes me put the bins out, visit her mother every weekend, and has had a decade-long headache.’
By speaking out, Dave hopes his traumatic experience can help other innocent young woman-botherers. ‘It’s really not worth it,’ said Dave ‘you think she’ll blush and feel creeped out for the rest of the day boosting your fragile ego and earn you a masculinity level-up, but instead you’ll end up performing all the crap marriage tasks whilst she fritters all the money in your joint account on wine and Lovehoney deliveries.’
When asked for comment on her husband’s claims, Kelly Soames (nee Smith) chuckled. ‘Brilliant, isn’t it?’ she smirked, ‘I guess you could say that in all respects, I’m a big fan of the long game’