Discount supermarket opened by discount celebrity

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There was disappointment for the 46 shoppers who waited in a steady breeze yesterday morning for the grand opening of the new Lidl at Newport, Isle of Wight, when the ‘mystery celebrity’ they had been promised for the ceremony turned out to be a member of the Great Britain archery team that won a Bronze at the Rio Olympics.

‘It’s disgraceful,’ raged Tina Marshall, who was first in line for a free bag of packaged vegetables.  ‘I’m not naïve – we knew it was never going to be someone off of Love Island, let alone one of Little Mix, but this is just pathetic.  Archery didn’t even appear on the Red Button at the time.’

Many now feel that the most exciting thing in Newport since a coach overturned on the Sandown road in 2011 has been ruined.  However, store manager Geoff Watts countered: ‘This is Lidl, for fuck’s sake.  This bloke was the best we could get for £100 and a return ferry from Southampton AND we even chucked in a spare sack of charcoal briquettes’.

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Posted: Aug 20th, 2017 by

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