Donald Trump was looking increasingly isolated today as news emerged that he has sacked his imaginary best friend, also called ‘Donald’ who had previously been thought to be the closest person to the embattled president. The surprise dismissal came after made-up Donald failed to praise real-life Donald sufficiently for his recent statements on the delicate matters of Neo-Nazis and “the all-round impressive nature of his presidency”. The termination of the imaginary friendship was effective immediately and the search for a new imaginary best friend will begin at once.
The president made the announcement that he was no longer friends with pretend Donald in a tweet at 3 o’clock in the morning. ‘My former imaginary best freind has disappointed me bigly. I have terminated friendship with loser Donald. Sad!’ There were then a series of tweets during the middle of the night including ‘I am so popullar, I am without a dout the most popullar President there has ever been’ and then ‘Everyone realy likes me. True!’
The fictional friend had previously been the most loyal supporter of the 45th President of the White House, but found it increasingly hard to stand by and say nothing as Trump made a moral equivalence between Neo-Nazis and people protesting against Neo-Nazis. ‘Listen, I have been with Donald on this journey from the very beginning, and believe me I have put up with a lot of shit. But to be honest, the guy is a total sociopath; he’s stupid but thinks he’s smart, crass but thinks he’s sophisticated, lazy but think he’s hard-working and loathsome and thinks he’s charming. I know imaginary friends usually forgive their best pals everything, but this was too big an ask.’
It is thought to be the first time in human history when an imaginary best friend has told his creator that he didn’t want to be friends anymore. Donald Trump still has the support of his imaginary sister, although she is apparently becoming increasingly embarrassed by the way he keeps touching her bottom and talking about how he’d like to start dating her.