Astronomers in America have warned that all white people watching the rare celestial alignment must take every precaution they can to ensure that are prepared for the experience of ‘temporary blackness’ that will result from today’s solar eclipse.The first thing they say observers will notice is that the light will dim slowly and that the colour in people’s faces will also start to dim, a bit like Michael Jackson’s between Billy Jean and Liberian Girl.
American police officers have been warned to take extra care not to shoot people who might actually be white, but just appear black due to the unusual light. ‘We’re worried about a massacre’ said one officer from North Carolina. ‘Gun-owning white Americans could experience their worst imaginable nightmare – a sea of black faces surrounding them – when it could just be their regular white neighbors coming out to see eclipse.’
To be on the safe side, white Americans are being advised to stay inside until the eclipse is over, although this method of ‘being forced to sit inside for long periods’ by jailing black Americans has proved to be an inconclusive and unsatisfactory cure for their blackness.