Astonishment as new US whiskey made using ‘modern methods’

A US drinks manufacturer recently caused astonishment by announcing that they intend to make their new brand of whiskey using the latest modern methods.

In accordance with standard industry practice, their advertising agency had already put together a campaign detailing the small town in the deep south where it’s supposedly made in a way that “ain’t done changed none” since the 1850s, which unfortunately didn’t go down well with the brand director.

‘Why would we still make whiskey the way people did then, as if the last 150 years of science never happened? Are we gonna deliver it by horse and cart too? Maybe with someone riding shotgun in case of injun attack?’

‘And what the f*ck is all this ‘down-home, cornbread-eatin’, good ol boy’ shit? Should we just go the whole hog and put the Confederate flag on the label? And some pointy white hoods? And maybe make it in a town with ‘lynch’ in the name?’

Unfortunately, early indications are that the public haven’t taken to either the unconventional branding or the product itself, and the company may be forced to rethink their modern advertising campaign and replace their high quality whiskey with one that tastes like cough syrup.


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Posted: Aug 23rd, 2017 by

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