Theresa May reboots with ‘training montage’

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Theresa May has excited fans by re-energising her reign with a series of inter-cut training shots, accompanied by the theme tune to Steptoe and Son. Stripped to the waist, her fetlocks flowing in the wind, the Maybot 2000 ran in slow motion through a field of genetically modified wheat, followed by repeatedly dropping a dispatch box on her rock hard abs and grappling mano-a-mano with David Davis, before magically pulling a Brexit agreement out of his arse.

Advised by a small froglike creature to ‘let go of her anger’ and never trust experts, Mrs May used her fist to tenderise a big slab of man beef called Boris, then tackled unsightly facial hair with cries of ‘wax on and wax off’. She explained to journalists that she would further hone her skills by getting caned with a bamboo shoot by an emotionally repressed Buddhist Brexiteer, all the while remembering that a true ninja is never seen by the public.

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Posted: Sep 1st, 2017 by

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