Vowels to be reintroduced in Eastern Europe

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East European countries are vowing to reintroduce vowels to their languages. ‘Vowels have been endangered in Eastern Europe since before the Second World War,’ said Crystoph ZZvlynski, of the Polish Vowel Research Unit in Warsaw. ‘We have them, some are in our names, but we use them lss and lss.’

Some vowel historians blame increasing contact with West Europeans, particularly the Phlemish. One said: ‘They come here, spread their nasty guttural diseases and suddenly everyone is spluttering in consonants. We don’t mind the Welsh so much, they seem even more vowel-starved than us.’

The situation, he added, has come to a head after two 1980s TV quiz shows were introduced to Eastern Europe. ‘Blockbusters seemed to work – I’ll have a Z please, Bob – but Countdown was a bloody nightmare, with the contestants refusing to draw any vowels at all.’

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Posted: Sep 2nd, 2017 by

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