Wayne Rooney to retire from drinking

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After more than 217 benders in England colours, Wayne Rooney has decided to call it a day. Former top England boozers praised the contribution Rooney had made to getting plastered. Some said it was too soon and that Wayne still had something to contribute, especially promising young turps-guzzlers coming up through the English system. Rooney felt he could no longer keep drinking at the very top level but hoped to still keep up a good standard for Everton.

‘I’ve had a good run,’ he said, ‘but in the end I was slowing down and sometimes could only manage 12 pints in a night. That’s not good enough really. I think I’m going out on a high with a drink driving arrest – I’ve gotta be happy with that. I won’t stop shagging grannies, though, rest assured of that.’

dan eade

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Posted: Sep 2nd, 2017 by

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