Despite being a weeping sore on the arse of Sky broadcasting, a prolonged exposure to antibiotics and low viewing figures has finally cured British TV of Rupert Murdoch’s most persistent STD. Fox News will now be consigned to the list of curable UK diseases such as small pox, floral pelmets and our obsession with Mel & Sue.
What started 15 years ago as an annoying rash of shoddy journalism, soon turned into a series of embarrassing boils – called Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity. Where Sky first contracted the disease is unclear, but alt-right fans were quick to rule out the 70s New York Disco scene.
Meanwhile Fox is offering £12bn to acquire a larger stake in Sky, which could still include a puss-filled sore called Fox & Friends. Some doctors have expressed concern that Fox could become resistant to antibiotics and mergers commissions: ‘Like Russell Brand’s herpes, Fox never really goes away’.
If you think you may have be infected during the course of unprotected news reporting, you should report to your nearest STD clinic or simply join UKIP. There are some potential side-effects of taking penicillin – diarrhoea and nausea – but that could still be the Fox News in your system.