Rees-Mogg opposed to contraception but ‘will cum on your tits’

rees mogg

The Tory backbencher and dyspeptic Harry Potter impersonator, has said that he is morally opposed to all forms of abortion; even in the event of the child becoming a Socialist. Mr. Rees-Mogg, a father of 6, was adamant that every sperm is sacred – unless they were sneaking into the country housed in an immigrant’s testicle.

He explained that his faith informed his politics – such as his faith in corporate greed, top hats and a return to ‘birching’. However the MP for Somerset said he still had an open-mind when it came to sitting Members in the House of Commons using a wet nurse, for nourishment, but only if she did not have a ‘northern accent’.

He told ITV’s Good Morning Britain that abortion was ‘morally indefensible’, but, strangely, demanding that Doreen Lawrence and millions of others be deported, was not. He further explained that he took his Catholicism very seriously and was not simply in it for the fast-cars, loose women and the self-flagellating guilt.

Mr. Rees-Mogg offered a range of alternative strategies to abortion; including giving the unwanted child to a servant or, if feral, allowing them to be raised by Mangani great apes – so that they might one day become Lord of the Jungle or pass the 11+. He insisted that life started at conception and, once he had finished with the NHS, would end in your mid-20s.

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Posted: Sep 6th, 2017 by

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