As Hurricane Irma continues to bring devastation to the eastern Caribbean, thousands of inhabitants of the tiny islands in the path of the killer storm are fleeing to the relative sanctuary of Olly Murs’ gigantic face after the pop icon was towed into position and anchored off the coast of The British Virgin Islands by Royal Navy ships early this morning.
It is hoped that people will be able to find shelter from the destructive 185mph winds in the lee of Murs’s massive nose and also in the lines on his enormous spam forehead.
A spokesman for the tiny island of Barbuda, which was almost totally destroyed by the hurricane’s onslaught yesterday, expressed relief and gratitude when told of the development. ‘Thank God the British government have come to our aid by deploying Olly Murs,’ he told newsmen, ‘Thousands of the homeless and those yet to be affected by the storm will now be able to seek some refuge and respite on Olly Murs’s big face.
‘Thanks to the swift action of the British and the humanitarianism of Olly himself, there will be many people who will be including the Dance With Me Tonight singer in their prayers this evening’. It’s understood that hard-pressed relief organisations are also calling for the British to lower a pair of Simon Cowell’s ridiculously high-waisted baggy trousers over the island of Dominica to protect inhabitants from an expected 11-metre storm surge which is feared may hit the island in the early hours of tomorrow morning GMT.