Your guide to the rest of the hurricane season

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Following the extensive damage caused to Texas by Hurricane Harvey and the ongoing devastation in multiple Caribbean islands from Hurricane Irma, meteorologists have warned that there is much more to come. Indeed, due to climate change, much of the impact could be felt on the opposite side of the Atlantic.

At present, at least six more identified storms are brewing up. Following established convention, they are being given alternating male and female names going through the alphabet. The public are therefore being warned about the following:

Hurricane Jacob – A seemingly insignificant event that has been around since the mid 18th century, Hurricane Jacob may yet blow itself out harmlessly but could have a highly unpredictable impact if conditions are right. Likely to do most damage to the poor, but without harming unborn children

Hurricane Katie – Originally identified a few years ago, now a durable, viciously nasty but fortunately localised media storm, largely confined to the Home Counties. Could ruin the lives of those poor and vulnerable foreigners unlucky enough to cross its path

Hurricane Len – A seemingly benign event that comes and goes, wreaking most of its havoc on Saturday evenings. Experts are divided on where it stands on the Beaufort Scale, with some saying it will only be a SEVEN, but others warn that the longer it lasts the more likely it is that there will be a ten from Len

Hurricane Meghan – Another mainly media storm, constantly blowing under but could have a huge impact if, as predicted, it combines with Hurricane Harry

Hurricane Nigel – Potentially the worst of the lot, Hurricane Nigel has already had a disastrous impact on the whole of Europe. Seemed to have disappeared but constantly reappears from somewhere far to the right, bringing trails of bullshit in its path and leaving victims stunned into unfocused anger and stupidity

Hurricane Olive – Not pleasant to contemplate but basically harmless, unless you happen to be on the buses at the time

Hurricane Philip – Highly unpredictable, generally seems calm and stable but can suddenly turn destructive. Currently orbiting around multiple other storms to the right of Britain and could ultimately obliterate Hurricane Theresa

Hurricane Queen – Still going strong at a world record age of 91, Hurricane Queen is constantly expected to die out but never does. Most of the damage associated with her could come after this finally happens

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Posted: Sep 9th, 2017 by

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