In return for years of surly instruction and demands that she take the second exit at the roundabout, Esme St. Fleur (52) has decided to inflict a syllabic slap-down on her pushy on-board navigation system. By deliberately driving in reverse down Eisteddfod Road in Cwmystwyth, Mrs St. Fleur has managed to give her SatNav a stammer and a much overdue sense of inferiority.
The relationship with her SatNav originally broke down in 2013, somewhere in between Spaghetti Junction and a service station that never appeared. Subsequently, Mrs St.Fleur grew weary of SatNav calling the A5115 the ‘A Five thousand, one hundred and fifteen’ or it going into a silent sulk just before a vital turning.
The battle of wills was heightened by the fact Mrs St. Fleur’s GPS did not seem to have updated its map library since Magna Carta. Coupled with its pompous insistence that it use only the first five letters of a postcode, had made it the most annoyingly, smug driving companion since James Corden.
Mrs Fleur growled: ‘What’s wrong with just an ordinance survey map and a small supply of Kendal mintcake? The only touch screen option I want, is if I can throttle the bitch. I’ve had it up to here, with every time she suggests I go ‘off-road’ to Tescos or that the Thames estuary is the quickest route to Calais. Llanfairpwllgwyngyll here I come!’