Queen Decides to Go Full Lizard


Queen Elizabeth has announced that she will see out the rest of her reign in her long-suspected natural state of Giant Lizard. The Palace said over 60 years of playing the role of benign monarch to perfection had taken its toll and she now just wanted to be herself, and she hoped the British people would understand their beloved Sovereign was in fact a giant shape-shifting reptile. It has also been revealed that she wishes to here-after be known by her natural lizard name of Othrakien Drakut.

She will make her first public appearance as Giant Lizard at the opening of a new Community Centre in Bolton next Thursday. Dignitaries and the public have been warned not to be alarmed by Her Majesty if she slithers around on the ground or up the side of the building. At the special lunch reception the human guests will dine on smoked venison and a cheese selection while Her Majesty will devour a goat that will be tethered to a lamppost outside.

It is thought a huge new cottage industry will be created around the Queen as millions of souvenir mugs, dinner sets and tea towels will be produced featuring her new persona. It also means all UK paper currency and coins will need to be re-minted to the new Lizard issue.

Meanwhile the BBC has negotiated a deal with Her Majesty to allow David Attenborough unprecedented access to her new lizard life and will result in a feature-length documentary to be screened next year called Natural Born Lizard.


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Posted: Sep 14th, 2017 by

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