Famous quantum physicist Erwin Schrödinger has been named the new manager of Crystal Palace football club, their fifth in less than a year.
The surprise choice explained his strategy in a hastily convened press conference. “The very act of observing something changes the thing observed,” he explained. “Until observed, the thing exists simultaneously in all possible states.”
“I would therefore recommend Palace fans simply don’t check the score after games, especially the next few against Man Utd, Man City and Chelsea. In this way, the possibility of Palace having won, or at least not embarrassed themselves, continues to exist.” It’s thought that many Palace fans have already adopted this strategy.
However, some sceptics insist that Palace will still have lost, whether individual fans check the result or not, and that in any case the unbearable smugness of Chelsea fans in particular will be impossible to avoid.
Schrödinger then tried another tack, saying that every possible result exists simultaneously somewhere in the multiverse, and there is a universe somewhere in which Palace have made a confident start to the season and now look unstoppable favourites to win the League. “It’s just a shame this isn’t the universe they show on Match of the Day.”