Aung San Suu Kyi: Good guy, bad guy or Burmese rhyming slang?

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Confused by Aung San flitting between winning a Nobel Prize and killing everyone? Torn between admiration for her previous fights against military rule, and condemnation for her current refusal to condemn army attacks? Never fear. As always Newsbiscuit has provided the definitive facts to clear up this quagmire of truth.

1) Contrary to popular opinion she is not a ‘guy’. She is not Burt Kwouk.

2) She spent 21 years under House Arrest but has so far refused to go on Celebrity Big Brother.

3) Aung San Suu Kyi are coincidentally the individual names of Burma’s Teletubbies.

4) Despite fears of ethnic cleansing, Aung San is still a more popular Nobel winner than Bob Dylan – who is a real pr*ck.

5) In 2007 she won the Congressional Gold Medal for beating Newt Gingrich over the 110m hurdles.

6) She hates the new Great British Bakeoff and has not enjoyed anything Noel Fielding has done since ‘The Mighty Boosh’.

7) How bad does sh*t have to get for you to flee to Bangladesh? It’s like holidaying in Skegness.

8) Suu Kyi controversially took the kettle off, despite Polly and the UN telling her not to.

9) £10 says you did not know who the Rohingya were before the start of the month. £20 says you won’t care by next month.

10) She is the only world leader to have lost the roof of her house to a cyclone called Nargis in 2008. Evidently your thoughts and prayers weren’t intense enough that time. That’s pretty callous of you, since she wasn’t even allowed out of the house at the time. You b*stards.

11) Her favourite Beatle was George, for aught anyone knows.

12) Human rights groups are calling for displaced Rohingya Muslims to be allowed to settle in the US, just to see the look on Trump’s face.

13) Boris Johnson has revealed that he doesn’t like Aung San Suu Kyi, he’s more of an Earl Grey man.

14) And that isn’t a flower behind her ear, it’s just a really crap hearing aid.

Wrenfoe, Oxbridge, riesler, dominic_mcg

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Posted: Sep 19th, 2017 by

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