Driverless Brexit tech deal struck by Government

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In a bid to encourage tech companies to invest in the UK after Brexit, the Government has announced a series of tie ups with major tech companies.

The flagship project sees it team up with the experts behind the Google driverless car to produce a “driverless Brexit”.

“Obviously the technology is still in its infancy and we expect there to be a number of accidents along the way,” a Government spokesperson said. “But this is much a more efficient and modern way of careering along with nobody at the helm than we have been doing for the past few months.”

Google said the biggest problem it faced on the project was integrating Sat Nav as “nobody in Government has a clue where they want to end up.” However, it added that the Prime Minister had been clear on the colour scheme, so it was busy painting it red, white and blue in the meantime.

The initiative also involves working with IBM on Watson, its artificial intelligence programme. “It was abundantly clear that what we need is some form of intelligence in the Cabinet,” the Government spokesperson explained. “Any intelligence real or artificial it doesn’t matter. We just need something for god’s sake.”

The holographic technology used to bring dead pop stars, such as Tupac, back to the stage, will be used by Theresa May for all future public appearances. “She really isn’t very good at them so this is much safer and part of a wider on-going project to automate election campaigns after the series of unforced human errors that occurred last time.”

Finally, the Government has commissioned a series of new ultra-realistic talking sex dolls. “Well, that should keep Boris quiet and out of the way for a bit,” it explained.

StanleyMizaru

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Posted: Sep 19th, 2017 by

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