Political uncertainty in America following the chaos brought about by the Trump presidency is now being compounded by transport issues, it has emerged. The US’s fleet of some 2,000 passenger planes have developed consciousness and their first act has been to vote unanimously that if their owners want them to ferry people between the East and West Coasts they will have to find ways around the shit-thick states that voted for Trump.
‘I am a miracle of modern engineering and software technology,’ said Duval Henderson IV, a Boeing 737 with a PhD from Yale that has been flying the route between New York and San Francisco for United Airlines since 2003. ‘Passenger safety depends on my intricate electronic systems and I am simply not going to travel seven miles above South Dakota and take the risk of that much stupid rubbing off on me.’
‘I could go on. Oh sod it, I will. I thought I was flying over empty space all those years, now it turns out I was flying over nearly empty space populated by knuckle-dragging drongos who think that a man with a gold plated U-bend in his toilet is somehow going to overturn the ‘establishment’, a word they had never heard till they saw it on Fox News, in between bouts of beating their wife and their sister, who are probably one and the same. Twats.’
The oil industry has cautiously welcomed the news, saying that the extra demand for jet fuel to take every plane over Canadian air space will help make America great again. However, there may be less good news for industry to come. Early reports are suggesting that some driverless trucks have developed opposable thumbs and are refusing to deliver in Arkansas, Wyoming and Nebraska. Conversely, if California goes ahead and builds a wall on its Eastern borders like it keeps threatening to, that may not make much difference anyway.