Neolithic Chilcot Report discovered

3000BC or 45mins from destruction - whatevers shorter

Nearly 100,000 pages of monolithic prose have been found buried near Stonehenge, making it the largest monument to landfill in Britain. This mysterious ruin was concealed under several hundred tonnes of earth, invoices for Iraqi guns and gag orders from solicitors representing Messrs T. Blair & A. Campbell.

The 4,500-year-old manuscript, was discovered using ground-penetrating radar and from the overwhelming reek of ‘bullsh@t’ emanating from it. Generations of hippies are expected to make pilgrimages to the area under the banner ‘Make love not war…unless you have a specific 45 minute warning’. Likewise mystical druidic sites like this have long been the inspiration behind ‘Jethro Tull’ songs; such as ‘Thick as a UN Weapon’s Inspector’ and ‘Skating away on the thin ice of a dodgy dossier’.

Legend says that the Inquiry chair, Sir John Chilcot, tried to look into the UK’s involvement in military action but he and the report were lost in the mists of time; mainly due to the fact he charged by the hour. Shovel in hand, a spokesman for Tony Blair said: ‘No one knows who buried them; it’s an enigma. But what I can say is that we – I mean they – should have dug a little deeper’.

One archaeologist explained: ‘The ancient Druids were a superstitious lot and would often celebrate the Winter solstice by sacrificing a scientist in a woodland grove, white wash his remains and then proceed to bury the bad news with a sprig of holly’.

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Posted: Sep 20th, 2017 by

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