Harry Redknapp joins Brexit negotiating team for £350 million a week


Former football manager Harry Redknapp has landed a lucrative contract to help with negotiating the terms for Britain’s exit from the EU, said to be worth £350 million per week.

As if to underline Lib Dem leader Vince Cable’s assertion that he is too dim even for a children’s lego set, Brexit Secretary David Davis welcomed Mr Redknapp into his little club, just as so many stupid football chairmen have in the past.

‘We are delighted that Harry has decided to join us and I’m sure he has the skills to do a really good job,‘ the Rt Hon Mr Davis explained. ‘He demonstrated a remarkable ability to negotiate an unbelievably favourable settlement during our discussions about his remuneration package.’

Mr Redknapp has apparently already identified a few immediate targets. He is very interested in agreeing immigration controls to prevent the likes of Marco Boogers ever being allowed into the country again, and is reportedly keen to investigate whether any dodgy deals can be done with the barrow boys who work down at the Single Market.

On the other hand,  winding down the window of his Jaguar to give a quick comment to a reporter at Toddington services, Mr Redknapp admitted that he has a lot to learn as he knows nothing at all about overseas banking arrangements. Although it is understood that he has employed a highly-paid tutor called Rosie to help him with that aspect of the job.

Harry has also started to slag off all the current ‘players’ in the process, saying that he will need to spend a bit of money in January to release a few and bring some in, including Nico Krancjar again.

However, his relationship with Foreign Secretary and avid Brexit supporter Boris Johnson is said to be blossoming, despite them appearing to have so little in common. Apart from their shared love for headline-grabbing, vacuous soundbites and their mutual over-riding self-interest, of course.

Midfield Diamond, Hat-tip to DavidH

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Posted: Sep 21st, 2017 by

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