Milky Bar Kid ‘responsible for obesity crisis’


He was strong and tough, and only the best was good enough, but now The Milky Bar Kid faces widespread condemnation for single-handedly kicking off what experts say could be a crisis of epidemic proportions. True to his familiar catch phrase, ‘The Milky Bars are on me!’ Terry Martins, now 58, gave away an estimated 674837 Milky Bars between 1961 and 1966, with tragic consequences for a generation of slothful young TV watchers who paid no heed to the consequences.

‘It’s true I got carried away with the sheer joy of the generosity of the character. There I was a bespectacled kid who suddenly became a hero to a generation. What could I do with my fame except reward my fans, the only way I knew how. I accept it was irresponsible. All I can say is I’m sorry, this is not what I meant to happen.’

But consumer and health watchdogs are considering a class action against the Kid, who could be liable for hundreds of millions of pounds in damages. Sample cases include morbidly obese Mark Carter of Reading, initially caught up in the euphoria of ‘Milky-mania’. He stars in a short film to be shown in cinemas, which features the Kid in a ‘Wanted’ poster and a faceless fat child struggling to fit through the saloon doors made famous in the commercial. Penguins could be next in the firing line for their part in promoting unhealthy chocolate covered edibles. ‘We will not be made scapegoats’, said a spokesbird.


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Posted: Sep 24th, 2017 by

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